Pluck Out Your Eyeballs! Sequels To 'MACHETE' Are Coming!

Director Robert Rodriguez recently addressed the audience at ComicCon, the Hall H stage to be precise with some terrible news. The director softly broke the news that Machete is set to return to the big screen with two sequels. Women wailed & held their children tightly & old folks looked toward the unforgiving heavens. Hit the jump for the details on part #2 & #3 of the biggest steaming pile of overhype garbage yet conceived.

"Both 'Machete' sequels have been greenlit!"
Stated the director, he then added that the first sequel is currently the only one guaranteed to have a full-length movie involved. Part #3 will exist only in trailer form. Genius, you see he's playing the same trick on us again! The title of Part #2 is 'Machete Kills' & will include fake footage for the third film, now titled 'Machete Kills Again... In Space!'. The director concluded that it will include "space babes and a lightsaber style weapon." Are you f**cking serious Rodriguez? Not even Jessica Alba's vagina would make me see these movies. Well at least Danny Trejo has a job.

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