If "MOVIES" were like "REAL LIFE", then the most inspirational job in the world would be a public high school teacher, preferably in a crime-ridden ghetto. But, as we all know, that job usually just inspires teachers to develop a drinking problem.
Other jobs that Hollywood loves include baseball player, absent-minded professor, and vampire hunter. And one of those jobs doesn't even exist. And then there are the professions filmmakers loathe (ironically, "filmmaker" is never one of them.) These jobs apparently represent nothing but pure evil. Is your chubby brother-in-law a lawyer? He's evil. Evil! It's no surprise that many of the following professions are tabloid fodder -- show us a financial disaster or a military scandal, and there's always going to be a picture of a banker or a steely-eyed colonel. Maybe the masses are just hardwired to resent anyone with a job that confers power and glory. Or maybe Hollywood just has it in for guys in suits, with the noted exception of studio executives.
Here are seven careers that the movies love to demonize.
1. FINANCIAL WIZARDS
Marked Traits: Competitive, slick, heartless
As Seen In: American Psycho, Wall Street, It’s a Wonderful Life, Inside Man, Casino Royale, The International
Movies have had it in for financiers since mean old Mr. Potter nearly ruined poor, honest George Bailey in It’s a Wonderful Life. More recently, they’ve turned into wealthy jerks ranging from Gordon “Greed is good” Gekko to profoundly disturbing serial killer Patrick Bateman. It’s easy to distrust the guys with all the money, but considering these movie examples, you might want to check for axes on your next visit to your broker/banker.
Marked Traits: Amoral, ruthless, liars
As Seen In: The Firm, Liar Liar, The Dark Knight/Batman Forever, The Fortune Cookie, Chicago, Carnal Knowledge, The Devil’s Advocate, The Godfather
If the thousands of lawyer jokes weren’t enough, the legal system has movies to thank for painting attorneys as perhaps the most untrustworthy professionals out there. Walter Matthau’s Whiplash Willie (The Fortune Cookie), who persuades his brother-in-law to feign paralysis in an injury lawsuit, is one of the earliest prototypes. The lovable liar shtick Matthau pioneered shifted into something more sinister, however, due to John Grisham, Batman and a movie where a lawyer is literally employed by Satan. Kinda hard to bounce back from that one. Even Gregory Peck’s iconic role as the noblest guy ever, attorney Atticus Finch, couldn’t balance out all the baddies.
3. MILITARY HIGHER-UPS
Marked Traits: Demoralizing, needlessly cruel
As Seen In: A Few Good Men, Full Metal Jacket, From Here to Eternity, Apocalypse Now, Avatar, 28 Days Later...
For all the rousing, patriotic portrayals of the military on screen, there are twice as many sadistic movie generals and majors waiting to counter them. They know more insults than Merriam-Webster, and are only too happy to use them on earnest new recruits. Heck, you don’t even have to be a recruit to be one of their victims -- just be a girl living in zombie world, a la 28 Days Later, and they’ll supply you with all the inappropriate leering you can handle. Hazing and loving the smell of napalm in the morning are among their other pastimes.
Marked Traits: Live to tear kids away from their favorite parent
As Seen In: Kramer vs. Kramer, Mrs. Doubtfire, I Am Sam, Evelyn
Just as consistent as the “she’s actually in love with her best friend” romantic comedy rule is the following: in custody hearings, the judge will always rule against the endearing, dedicated parent we’ve grown to love. (Usually after a moving, teary-eyed speech, too.) All things considered, it’s probably best not to leave an unemployed, British nanny impersonator in charge of three kids. But after spending two hours with him, of course we’re going to call the justice nasty things under our breath, just as we did when we saw Ted Kramer’s crestfallen face. Jeez, your honor, it’s like you didn’t even watch the “Dude Looks Like a Lady” dancing montage [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1OIsSFPbxk&feature=fvst].
Marked Traits: Secretive, downright evil
As Seen In: Michael Clayton, Chinatown, Wall-E, Moon, District 9, Alien, Blade Runner, Robocop, The Terminator, Soylent Green, Rollerball, Avatar
Especially in sci-fi movies, if there’s something fishy afoot, you can bet a horrible corporation is behind it. Accounting for roughly 75% of movie evil-doing, corporations are known for forging secret monopolies, manufacturing murderous cyborgs and destroying the environment. They’re also the sneakiest groups of people around. Unless you’re a valiant action hero -- or have a death wish -- you’ll never know what they’re really plotting.
As Seen In: Bambi, Beauty and the Beast, The Fox and the Hound, The Most Dangerous Game, Mighty Joe Young, Shiloh
Marked Traits: Bloodthirsty, merciless, threat to all living things
Admittedly, it can be a little hard to put the guy with gun in a positive light. But according to movies, hunters never go after the dangerous or pesky animals. Quite the contrary. They seem to exclusively pursue mother deer and adorable woodland creatures. Got an animal best friend? That hunter wants it for his wall. Trying to restore a prince to his normal self? That hunter wants to kill it, and then sing you a song about how great he is. And as The Most Dangerous Game taught us, it’s only a matter of time before he/she starts hunting you, too!
7. PSYCHIATRISTS/ASYLUM WORKERS
Marked Traits: Cold, calculating, bent on worsening patients’ condition, possibly crazy
As Seen In: One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, The Silence of the Lambs, A Clockwork Orange, Changeling, Spellbound, Batman Begins
Most notably seen in Nurse Ratched of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, movie shrinks and asylum workers usually make people crazy rather than curing them. Mind-numbing torture devices are kind of their thing, as well as the world’s worst bedside manner. They may or may not also be murderers and/or cannibals themselves. So if you’re feeling a little insane, keep it to yourself. Trust us, you’re not even in the same league as these crazy cruel clinical types.